


Letters To Shiro

by northern_downyee



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Don't copy to other sites, Established Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Letters, Love Confessions, M/M, Pre-Canon, Presumed Dead, Season 8 sucked so I'm ignoring it, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-12-06 19:55:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 3,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18224720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/northern_downyee/pseuds/northern_downyee
Summary: After Shiro left for Kerberos, Adam started writing letters to him for when he got back. Except he didn't come back and by the time he did, Adam was the one who was gone.





	1. The First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is also on Wattpad. It is mine. I didn't steal this. I am the original poster.

Takashi,

I'm sorry, I really am. I hate that the last thing I said to you was so... awful. I wish I hadn't yelled at you the way I did. I only want you to be okay. I want you to come home. Don't get hurt, okay? I know I said I wouldn't wait, but I will. I'm going to wait. You're so important to me, I don't think you even really know how much you mean.

I write this hoping that you'll be able to read it when you come home. You've got to get caught up somehow, right? I can give these to you when you get back and you can read them and... yeah. Maybe this was a better idea in my head?

I feel obliged to say that Keith is doing... okay. He misses you, but he still talks to me. So far, in the few days that you've been gone, he hasn't gotten into too much trouble. He's doing about as well as you could expect.

I sound so formal, writing like this. Oh well, I guess. It's something. I already miss you and I'm so sorry for what I said. I just hope you'll forgive me when you come home.

I miss you so much and I'll be waiting,

Adam.


	2. The Second

I think that Iverson is going to lose it with me. I keep bugging him for news about you and he's probably going to straight up slap me at some point. I don't try to be annoying, I just worry. Probably too much, if I'm being honest. 

I know you'll be okay. You're too strong not to. I know you'll come home. I know it. 

It's been difficult to adjust to not having you to hold onto at night. It's weird not seeing you in the halls, or anywhere else for that matter. I really miss eating lunch with you. 

I still hate the pigeons. It seems like there's more of them since you left. They're monstrosities, no matter what you say. They. Are. Not. Cute. Takashi. Do you even look at their eyes? No thanks. They're evil and they are multiplying. I'm not okay with this. I will never understand what about them you find so adorable. They steal food and constantly look like they want to kill me. Not. Cute. Not even close. I think I'll ask Keith what he thinks of the pigeons, just to prove a point.

Anyways, stay safe Takashi.

Adam.


	3. The Third

Takashi,

I asked Keith about the pigeons. The little traitor said "They're okay. Kinda cute, honestly." I blame you. You have influenced this child, Takashi! And not in a good way. What is wrong with you two?! They're little demons!

At any rate, Keith is still doing okay, aside from the pigeon issue. The other day, we were sitting in a classroom and the blinds broke. They fell onto the floor and made the loudest noise ever! Keith jumped so hard, I wish you'd seen it. He almost screamed! Once we got over the initial shock, we just looked at each other and at the same time, we just said, "Run." We left that disaster for someone else. Likely the next class to use that room had to deal with it. I have yet to give that event a proper title.

I keep listening to your playlist on Spotify. It makes me feel a little less lonely.

I made cookies the other day. I wish we could have shared them. I'm sure that they were better than whatever it is that you're eating out in space. Or maybe I give myself too much credit. I'm sure you would've liked them, even though they were a little burned. I'm doing my best to learn how to cook new things for you. I doubt I'll ever get over how much you suck at doing anything in the kitchen. It's like all human functions shut down once you get in the mere vicinity of one. 

I was about to ask how Matt was doing, but then I remembered that you wouldn't be able to answer. I wish I could send these to you. I guess there's no post in space. Like no post on Sundays? Like from Harry Potter? It's a stretch but I tried, okay? 

I'm trying so hard, Takashi. I miss you so much. Make it home safe. I believe in you, I believe in the mission, and I believe that you'll make it home, no matter what. I know you'll be okay.

Really starting to miss you, 

Adam.


	4. The Fourth

Takashi,

It's been about a month and a half. You should be almost halfway to Kerberos now. 

I hope you're staying warm. It's getting kind of cold here. I hate this weather. My hands are always frozen now, it's like I'm a corpse. They're never warm anymore. I wish I had you here to hold them. Was that cheesy? I feel like it might have been. That doesn't make it untrue, though. I miss holding your hand. There are so many things that I miss.

The other day, I went for a hike. I think you'll know where. I left something at the top of the mountain for you. When you get back, you'll have to find it. I'll go with you and we can eat lunch at the top, like we always do. I wish you were here to sit with me early in the morning when I can't sleep. I wish you were here to hold my hand while we drink our coffee together. It's okay though, we can still do those things when you get back.

I doubt there's much to do in space. At least, not much to do on your way to Kerberos. I hope you're not getting too bored. I don't think Matt could let anything be boring. He's special that way, somehow making everything entertaining. Kind of like you. I could never understand how you can make a joke out of any situation. I wish I had that ability. I do try but it never seems to actually be funny. 

Your very unfunny boyfriend,

Adam.


	5. The Fifth

Takashi,

It's been a really long time since my last letter. Almost two months. Three and a half since you left. 

I have to be honest, I'm not sure what to do with Keith. He still doesn't talk to anyone and he got into a fight yesterday. I really don't know what to do. He knows you'll be coming home soon and I know he doesn't want to get kicked out, especially not while you're gone. I don't know what's going on. I was never the one who was good at talking to him. I've tried but I don't think it's helpful. I just don't know what to say to him. It's so frustrating because I never seem to know what to say to him or even to you. But at least you always knew what I meant. With him, it's so much harder.

The more I write these letters, the harder it is to face the fact that you're not going to read them for at least 6 months. I hate that. I hate it so much. 

The one endlessly listening to your favourite music,

Adam.


	6. The Sixth

Takashi, 

Yet again, I haven't written for a long time. Now it's been 4 and half months since you left. I guess I have trouble with what I want to say. I feel like I'm only repeating myself over and over, waiting for you. I just can't stand you being gone. I feel so alone now. Everything has gone so quiet, especially with the cold weather. I wish I could say I'm getting used to it but I'm not. The quiet at night is just so heavy.

I'm still teaching. Marking tests sucks more than ever because you're not here to do them with me. When you were here, at least I had someone to talk to. I've never had that many friends, only a few close ones and you know that. And I never had a problem with that until now. Now that you and Matt aren't here, I have even less people to talk to. I never thought it would be an issue I would have to face. Making friends with anyone now feels kind of too late. I've always been relatively nice to everyone here but I didn't really get close with anyone aside from you, Matt, and a few other people. I used to love a little time alone but now, that seems to be all I have. Time alone. It's beginning to feel like too much. 

I miss you so much. I want nothing more than for you to come home safe. 

Please don't get hurt Takashi.

Adam.


	7. The Seventh

Takashi, 

Yet again, I haven't written for a long time. Now it's been 4 and half months since you left. I guess I have trouble with what I want to say. I feel like I'm only repeating myself over and over, waiting for you. I just can't stand you being gone. I feel so alone now. Everything has gone so quiet, especially with the cold weather. I wish I could say I'm getting used to it but I'm not. The quiet at night is just so heavy.

I'm still teaching. Marking tests sucks more than ever because you're not here to do them with me. When you were here, at least I had someone to talk to. I've never had that many friends, only a few close ones and you know that. And I never had a problem with that until now. Now that you and Matt aren't here, I have even less people to talk to. I never thought it would be an issue I would have to face. Making friends with anyone now feels kind of too late. I've always been relatively nice to everyone here but I didn't really get close with anyone aside from you, Matt, and a few other people. I used to love a little time alone but now, that seems to be all I have. Time alone. It's beginning to feel like too much. 

I miss you so much. I want nothing more than for you to come home safe. 

Please don't get hurt Takashi.

Adam.


	8. The Eighth

Takashi,

It's starting to warm up again. I think it's nice that it'll be near the end summer when you come home. Though it'll probably be unfortunate for you, starting classes again and stuff.

I hope your arm isn't hurting too badly. As strange as it sounds, I miss helping you into your jacket in the morning. God, that sounds really really weird. But it's still true. I miss being close to you. I keep saying it, I think I've said it every time I write a letter and I think it constantly. Even so, I'm kind of getting used to you not being here. I hate that I'm getting used to it. I don't want to be used to you not being here. I feel mad at myself for not thinking twice when you're not there for me to pour a coffee for in the morning. I hate that I don't expect you to grab my hand when I'm watching movies anymore. I hate myself for all of it. I don't want to have you not being here become normal for me. I want to expect you to grab my hand or to kiss me unexpectedly but I don't anymore! I want to be sad when you aren't there for me to give you something. But I'm just... used to that now.

Missing you and hurting,

Adam.


	9. The Ninth

Takashi,

I went to the city a few days ago. It was nice to get out. The sun felt really nice. It was one of those days that was kind of cold but the sun felt like a heated blanket when you weren't in under a shadow. It was amazing.

While I was out, a cat started following me down street. It took me forever to notice. It didn't look like it had an owner, so now it's mine. I don't know what to name it yet, but I think I'm going to go with something stupid like Tofu. I'm really surprised Iverson is letting me keep her but he said it was okay as long as I took it to the vet. I guess I'll do that in the next couple days. I've already fallen in love with her. It's nice to have another presence in our room again. I think you'll love the little cat too. She's brown and black and all spotted. She has the biggest green eyes you've ever seen and she's adorable. Don't worry, I won't replace you. You better hurry home though or you just might be in trouble. The cat's pretty purr-suasive. I am not sorry for that joke and I never will be.

Adam. (and the cat)


	10. The Tenth

Takashi,

I did end up naming the cat Tofu. I don't know why, it just seemed like a good idea. She really likes to cuddle at night and she's really quiet. She doesn't meow a lot but she purrs so much, especially when you pet her. I really love this creature.

Even though I love her, it really pisses me off when I'm trying to mark stuff and she nudges her head against my arm. There have been many incidents of red pen going across half a page because of her. That and she enjoys sitting on the keyboard of my laptop. Cute, but not very helpful.

Keith really likes her too. He says her name is stupid though. When you get back, you'll have to settle that argument. Hopefully, this time I'll actually win this argument. You know, unlike last time with the pigeons.

On the subject of Keith, he's hanging around me a lot more. The only time I don't see him is when he goes to bed. I would venture to say that you being gone has been harder on him than on me. He's been really depressed. He keeps telling me what's going on, which is good, at least he's not trying to deal with it alone but he's having a really hard time without you. He says you're like his brother. The two of us are his family, Takashi. Keith really loves you and he loves me too. We're his family and have been since he got to the Garrison. He misses you so much. He's trying so hard right now and I know it. He's struggling to keep it together now. I don't think he really thought about how much your absence would affect him. At this point, I'm just glad that he hasn't pushed me away. I'm trying to help him but I don't know what to say that won't make everything worse. I can't just say that I miss you too, even though it's true. I wish I knew how to help him. I wish you were here to help me figure it out.

You better get home safe.

Adam.


	11. The Eleventh

Takashi,

It's a little past midsummer now. I can't wait for you to get home. Neither can Keith.

Neither of us can seem to sleep anymore. We're just so excited to see you again. It seems like Tofu can tell that we're excited. I think she's getting annoyed, if I'm honest.

Keith is doing better. A lot better. I guess it feels so much more real that you'll be home soon. He's brightened up so much now. I can relate to him, most of my thoughts are counting down the days until you come home. Both of our calendars have a countdown on them. Keith wants to plan a party or something for the day you come home. It took me by surprise when he said so. Usually, I'd be the one to suggest something like that. I guess that just goes to show how much he loves you. I told him to maybe wait a day, I figure you'll be tired. He agreed. So far, the plan is just the three of us hanging out, watching movies, and eating ice cream. It doesn't seem like such a bad idea to me. Maybe I have something else planned for you that doesn't involve Keith. God, that sounds really cringey. I try, okay Takashi? I'm not good at flirting.

Anyway, I'm still waiting for you. I couldn't tell you what I've missed most about you or what I'm looking forward to most because I couldn't choose. I just want you home.

Adam.


	12. The Twelfth

Takashi,

Everyone is saying that there is something wrong. They're saying your entire ship has gone missing. We're all worrying now. Keith and I were so ready for you to come home and now you're missing. I really can't sleep anymore. I need you to be okay. I can't imagine staying like this for the rest of my life. You can't die. 

I wish I could do something to help you, I wish I could do anything but I can't. There's nothing I can do but pray you get home. I wish I'd said something before you left, something that wasn't so angry. I didn't even try to apologize while you were here and now I might never see you again.

You can't die out there. Not where you're alone. You need to come home, Takashi. You can't die alone out in space. You can't. Hell, I don't even know where you are anymore. Did I ever? How long has there been something going wrong? How could no one know? What if we had been able to help? What if it's too late now? I can't stand these thoughts but I can't seem to think anything else. You are so important to me, Takashi. Now you might never hear me say it. I might never be able to say I'm sorry. But I am. I am so so so sorry. 

I'm begging you from across the solar system, please don't leave me like this. Please come home safe. Even if you never forgive me, even if I never talk to you again, even if you hate me, I need you to come home. Please, don't be hurt. Don't be dead. I could never forgive myself if you died out in space. Without me. 


	13. The Thirteenth

Takashi, 

I can't believe it. You're really gone. I don't know what to do or to say. I just... you're not coming home. You're really never coming back.

When I heard, I had to leave the room. Keith was there too. He followed me. I broke down crying before he did. We just sort of stood there. We were holding each other and just... crying. I don't think I ever expected him to actually cry like that. I guess it really shows how much he cared. How much we both cared.

If I couldn't sleep before, now I definitely can't. I think the cat knows something's wrong. I don't know how, but she does. She's sleeping next to me at night now. I wish that it would help. On the nights I actually do fall asleep, I've probably cried myself to sleep. I'm exhausted all the time. I can't seem to catch a break anymore.

I can't believe that you're gone. It just doesn't make sense. How could you, the guy who broke every record there was to break, the strongest person I ever knew, the one who helped me at every turn, the one who always reminded me it was okay to be me despite my mom, the person I loved more than anyone else, just be dead? It doesn't feel real. How could it be? I can't believe it. I just can't. Not only are you gone, but Keith got himself kicked out too. He tried, Takashi. He tried so hard. I tried too, to get them not to kick him out. I don't know what else I could've said. The whole thing was so insensitive, I can't stand it. I don't think Keith or I have ever felt more alone.

I wish I'd had the chance to really apologize. Maybe then you would've come home. It seems stupid I guess, but you never know. Maybe if I'd never said anything you never would've gone at all.

There's supposed to be a funeral, but what's the point? It won't be you. I can't go. I can't, not if it's not really you. And I know that it's not. It's empty. The whole thing. The coffin, the ceremony, everything. They asked me if I had anything I wanted to give, to put in the coffin. I said I did. I'm going to write out these letters again and give them all to them. Maybe then you'll know what I wanted to say to you. Maybe. 

Adam.


	14. The Last

Takashi,

I really don't know where to start. It's been so long since I've written a letter to you. I mean, why would I have? I thought you were dead. Everyone did. There's no real point writing a letter to a dead person.

I remember the first time everyone was saying you were actually alive. The first time, everyone was saying that you had crash landed close to the garrison. I tried to see you, tried to get in, but you weren't there. I think that hurt more than losing you the first time. I yelled at the people who told that you really had been there, that you had just gotten away. I called so many people liars. I hated so many people. It felt like they were all in on this big, cruel, joke. I hated that I'd let myself believe it. I felt like I should've known better. But now, I'm wondering if you truly were there. It makes sense now that Sam came back a few days ago and explained absolutely everything. He told me that you are still alive and so is Matt. My first response was 'no, he can't be.' I'd gotten my hopes up once before and had my heart broken. I didn't want it to happen again. Then Sam told me the whole story. You're leading Voltron. You're helping save the universe. You've been all over the universe, you've been so many places I could never even imagine existing! I'm just so amazed. It hurt me so much to hear about the time you spent as a prisoner. The world just seemed to tilt. It turns out it wasn't the world, it was me falling over. Despite how much I joke about it, it made me physically ache when I heard parts of that particular story. 

I just want you to know how proud I am of you. How much I miss you. I want you to come home but I understand that it's not that simple. I doubt that anything will be simple anymore. But maybe that's okay? Sometimes, things get a little more interesting that way. Though I'm sure we've both had enough of complicated and interesting at this point. You've doing so much out there in space. I'm just so proud.

Good luck and actually stay safe this time!

Love,

Adam.


End file.
